I read all four agreements and became quite skeptical. Some things were not “convergent”, that is, (in my opinion) they were not as coherent. When I read the last two posts about the third chord (Don`t make assumptions) and the second (don`t take anything personally), I also became scpetical. These are assumptions that make you and me barriers. Similarly, assumptions push the desire to be right instead of allowing people to be seen and heard. There are so many of us who walk around wearing iron masks and don`t want people to approach us if they cause damage. However, if we are understood and our contemporaries do not make assumptions, we must remove the mask, even slightly. Making assumptions is simply an invitation to problems, especially in our own relationships. How many clashes have occurred within families between children and parents, between a man and a woman on the basis of hypotheses? Our controllers always want to know the answers, so if you don`t have the facts on hand, we`ll let the chimpanzee out to fill the void.
Our subconscious is a library full of information. We use this information to guide our foolish assumptions, which often draw stereotypes and negativity from the piped news feed that permeates our lives. Remember, you are your own librarian, be aware of what you leave on the shelves of your subconscious, because this material is called to make the choices you make, the opinions you give and the actions you do. These shelves in our library subconsciously are filled every day with the information we consume, the papers we read, the programs we see, the news we hear, the people we talk to. Fill your library with high-quality information. “The problem with assumptions is that we think they are the truth.” – The Four Agreements, Chapter 4 The third agreement is closely related to the second agreement: Don`t take anything personally. We assume that our reality is the same as someone else`s reality, so everything they do or say fits into our worldview. You can`t immerse yourself in another person`s head and know what they`re thinking.
But I`m sure we can do it. Do you read texts, emails or even phone conversations and think you have “discovered” the other person? You think you know their reason, intention, or motivation, but this assumption is based on your reality and beliefs. They are not you. We can never completely protect ourselves from the pain caused by others. Nor can we live with the assumption that we will feel pain when we are visible and vulnerable with others. I appreciate your comment. Thank you very much for your kind words. Not taking things personally and not making assumptions is very closely related, because the two are based on our own reality. If you can accept that other people have different realities of you (based on their beliefs, experiences, etc.), you can begin to see that their words and actions relate to them, not to you.
This is the case with both agreements, because they go hand in hand….